We are bigger on the inside


Over a week ago I had an intense reaction to this beautiful song by Amanda Palmer: Bigger On The Inside. Please, do yourself a favor and listen to it (download it and contribute if possible!).

Here are the lyrics:

You’d think I’d shot their children
From the way that they are talking
And there’s no point in responding
Cause it will not make them stop

And I am tired of explaining
And of seeing so much hating
In the very same safe haven
Where I used to just see helping

I’ve been drunk and skipping dinner
Eating skin from off my fingers
And I tried to call my brother
But he no longer exists

I keep forgetting to remember
That he would have been much prouder
If he saw me shake these insults off
Instead of getting bitter…

I am bigger on the inside
But you have to come inside to see me
Otherwise you’re only hating
Other people’s low-res copies

You’d think I’d learn my lesson
From the way they keep on testing
My capacity for pain
And my resolve to not get violent

But though my skin is thickened
Certain spots can still be gotten
It is typically human of me
Thinking I am different

To friends hooked up to hospital machines
To fix their cancer
And there is no better place than from this
Waiting room to answer

The French kid who wrote an e-mail
To the website late last night
His father raped him and he’s scared
He asked me
How do you keep fighting?

And the truth is I don’t know
I think it’s funny that he asked me
Cause I don’t feel like a fighter lately
I am too unhappy

You are bigger on the inside
But your father cannot see
You need to tell someone
be strong
And somewhere some dumb rock star truly loves you

You’d think I’d get perspective
From my view here by the bedside
It is difficult to see the ones I love
So close to death

All their infections and prescriptions
And the will to live at all in question
Can I not accept that my own problems
Are so small

You took my hand when you woke up
I had been crying in the darkness
We all die alone but I am so, so glad
That you are here

You whispered:
“We are so much bigger on the inside,
You, me, everybody
Some day when you’re lying where I am
You’ll finally get it, beauty

We are so much bigger
Than another one can ever see

But
Trying is the point of life
So don’t stop trying

Promise me”

Traveling with strangers, part 3


At one point I shared my cellphone number with the rest of the passengers, in case I could be of some help. I might have missed their calls, since I was unable to answer while I was involved in the workshop.

What I can take away from my conversations with these wonderful people, is that life has a lot of surprises for you: it might be a soul-searching journey alongside your father, a belated honeymoon, the chance to reconnect with your twenty-something son.

During my first night there I surveyed an empty apartment, took in the Sololá night sky and fell asleep listening to podcasts.